Gratitude Day 18: scared

Prompt:  What scares you?

Regardless of what people say or what people do to make you believe otherwise...everyone is scared of something.

I think it very well may be a survival tactic to have something in our lives that we fear. I think that thing that scares us is what we ultimately use to motivate us to get through life. But that's just my outlook on fear and having something that scares us.

So what scares me?

Honestly...what scares me the most is that I'm not doing enough to reach my dreams and then when I don't achieve my goals then what?

I feel that sometimes I'm not doing enough. And trust me...I am doing more than enough. My days are long and packed with places for me to be present at. My planner is filled with to-do lists, events that I need to be present at, homework that's due, my work schedule, my school schedule, and reminders. So it's not that fact that I'm not doing anything...because I'm doing plenty. Just look at the picture.

I'm just scared that even with the stuff that I'm doing...I'm not doing enough. I'm not getting my Physician Assistant Shadowing Hours in, I'm not studying enough, I'm not working enough...are you starting to catch my drift?

What if even with my busy schedule, I still don't get into PA School? Then What? I'm not thinking of a backup plan....all my eggs are in this ONE basket. I don't have time to think of other plans. But in saying that is that what I need in my life? A backup plan? Will that keep my anxiety at bay?

I think another fear that goes hand in hand with thinking that you're not doing enough is the fear of failure, however cliche that may sound. Failing is such a humbling aspect of life, but that doesn't make it any less scary. Think about it: You're spending 4+ years in college, learning everything that you should know within your career field just to fail at the end when it comes to the qualifying test. Does that not worry you?

And like I said, I think that's what pushes us to be great.

The fear of failure, the fear of Self-disappointment.

We work so hard to keep those scenarios at bay.